It was chilly at the library today...and no I'm not talking about outside.
Nope.
Today I encountered some Queen Bees, sidekicks and wannabees...swarming with their larvae in the play area.
Yup, a good ole Momma Clique.
I recently read a great article about these horrid little phenomenon written by Rosalind Wiseman of Parenting magazine. Right now, with all the recent happening of my life, I fall into the: Floater/Reformed area...
Floater Moms can move easily from one group to another without arousing resentment. They embody "nice popularity" in that they're genuinely liked for who they are. The Floater Mom dresses "appropriately" -- she doesn't stand out. Her house isn't over the top, and her car isn't fancy.
Reformed Moms are able to analyze their behavior and make improvements when and where necessary. These moms -- especially the ones who used to be Queen Bees -- often have the best sense of humor. Reformed Queen Bees have kept all their positive attributes (they're charismatic, fun to be around, intelligent, capable, and can make fun of themselves) and lost most of the attributes that made everyone (including themselves) miserable.
Reformed Moms aren't just former Queen Bees, either: There are lots of former Sidekicks, Wannabes, and Outcasts walking around who have become genuinely amazing women you'd want as friends as you go through parenthood.
This doesn't mean that Reformed Moms don't have moments when they revert to old behavior, but when they're called on it, they can admit it, apologize if necessary, and move on.
Reformed Moms are able to analyze their behavior and make improvements when and where necessary. These moms -- especially the ones who used to be Queen Bees -- often have the best sense of humor. Reformed Queen Bees have kept all their positive attributes (they're charismatic, fun to be around, intelligent, capable, and can make fun of themselves) and lost most of the attributes that made everyone (including themselves) miserable.
Reformed Moms aren't just former Queen Bees, either: There are lots of former Sidekicks, Wannabes, and Outcasts walking around who have become genuinely amazing women you'd want as friends as you go through parenthood.
This doesn't mean that Reformed Moms don't have moments when they revert to old behavior, but when they're called on it, they can admit it, apologize if necessary, and move on.
Although today wasn't pleasant for me, or my kids, it's part of life...and I'm going to live through it...
...hopefully be humbled by recognizing myself in it all...and work toward being more like Christ.
There is freedom in calmly looking at it all, remember you're not in high school anymore...and if you're like me you reach out to all the outcasts about you...cuz you are finally able to feel for them...
So, if you're a mom reading this I really urge you to challenge yourself. Are there ANY situations where you are a part of a Queen Bee court...are you a Queen Bee, sidekick, ...are you aware of those around you...really aware...feeling for them with an open, compassionate heart? Remember, it's not all about you...its all about HIM!
3 comments:
Thanks for your sweet comment that you left on my blog! I'm happy to meet you!
I think that moms as a class are so starved for affirmation and conversation and so happy to get it when they find it that they don't notice who's being left out.
I've been on the receiving end of such behavior, and on the giving end as well, I'm sure. I'm bowled over by the graciousness of people who rise above the neediness to include everyone, and only hope to emulate them at some point!
It's all a work in progress, I guess :)
I don't know MomE.... sometimes it does still feel like highschool. I always thought that once we graduated from that (and then of course college- even though I didn't) that that would all fade away and people would unite. Not so... I've run into it everywhere including churches. I though, do my best to not participate in the "queen" group, though I welcome them to me. You just have to accept people for who they are... afterall, their mansion won't be bigger than mine in heaven anyway. : )
I'm going to pop over and read the entire article now, but thanks for sharing from your heart. That's a little bit of what we felt like our entire two years in Virginia...it was a Virginia Clique I guess.
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