Marriage Monday: Against All Odds...

"Extreme Makeover: How God Renewed Our Marriage Against All the Odds."

Every marriage goes through rough patches—and some are severe—but the good news is God's Word is completely adequate to help us through. (2 Tim 3:16 NIV) Here are a few ideas to consider as you write your post:

I was really disappointed that this topic won for the month over at Chrysalis'. Initially, I thought I'd just skip writing today. I have a young marriage...only six years this December. I mean, what could I share that would be remotely helpful to women married for much longer than myself. However, I think that all marriages are under siege by Satan. Being a picture of God and His church isn't something that Satan wants us to do successfully. I hope to learn more than teach today...as I read all your entries! But, I'll share some little young marriage issues...

My husband and I always laugh about how marriage shows you your selfishness. Adding children makes this exponentially evident. Our greatest challenges revolve around cliche' issues...children, finances, sex and work. Being the parents of small children is exhausting and we've been terrified to find that we aren't spending time together. We know that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a stable marriage and Godly example. This spurs us on to stay in God's Word and keep working to smooth our marriages' rough spots.

We've had to really focus on each other. We deliberately snuggle and kiss in front of our kids. Nothing "riske" but so they know that we are affectionate towards each other. We've made rules for our date nights. They must happen every month! It's worth the money!!! Last time we went out we each had to have five topics prepared to talk about. This may sound silly but it's sort of depressing to go out and decide you aren't talking about the kids and then sit there and wonder what to say. We used to talk all the time...huh? So, in order to avoid that...we come up with topics.

It's helped us a lot to remember our early dating days...and try to do little things. For example, I've taken to leaving messages on his lunch napkins again....and buying him Almond Joy's as a surprise treat. Little things. He writes me a short "thinking of you" e-mail at lunch break...and I'm tickled to know he's thinking of me. And...I have to say it in case no one else is brave enough...sex is really important to marriage. Schedule it if you have to...1 Cor. 7:5, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Finances have been a problem for us. Like most Americans, we suffered from the desire to live above our means...and no thanks to credit cards we could. Reading Dave Ramsey and applying his techniques has helped a lot. It was hard at first..and we continue to melt away at our debt snowball. Both of us had to get over what debt we were responsible for and make positive changes to our spending habits. Even though we have very focused payment goals right now...I'd say we are definitely happier. We try to keep in focus that the money isn't ours anyway. Nothing we have is ours...it's God's.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

In an economy where every man feels he must be a workaholic to maintain any form of job security...things can get stressful. My Loverbrains tends to be an over worker anyway. He loves his job and finds it very interesting. Praise God, he was also blessed with a fabulous set of brains and a kind personality. They love him at his work...and personally, I think would totally freak out if he wasn't there. Of course, being such a steady person means that he has ALOT of work to do...and often ends up cleaning up other people's messes and getting surprise "SOS" calls on the weekends. Add to that some massive traveling (China, UK, etc) and work has taken over. This has been (and remains) the hardest marriage issue for me to handle. I realized that my frustration and anger were beginning to consume me. And, although I've made a concerted effort to keep from feeding bitterness in my heart...I do have occasional bad days...where I feel like work is leaving me with the leftovers.

Much to his credit, Loverbrains is careful to come home for dinner every night...and play with the kids...but sometimes needs to work after they are in bed. It's hard for me to deal with...and there are times when between me being sleep deprived and him being worked to death...we have nothing left to give each other. I think the best thing that we've come up with lately is allowing this phase of life to be, well...a phase of life. We're trying to enjoy our small children and give each other what we can! I need to learn to believe my husband when he says he's giving me his best...because well, I'm not supposed to be God to him...I'm supposed to be his wife. Love thinks no evil. We've also put some hard parameters on how many nights he's allowed to bring work home. And praise the Lord...he's an honorable man!

We have so much to be thankful for...and we've recently been struck by Col. 4:2, "Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving." We've started praying together every morning...something we did when we were first married. And it's amazing how much more we can bear up under trials when we praise God together and share our needs with each other. 1 Pet. 5:7, "casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you."

I know this may not be "earth shattering" marriage issues...but it's where we are working. Maybe it will help someone to hear our stories. I'll close with some books we've enjoyed...

Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman
Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson
Shepherding A Child's Heart by Ted Tripp

I know, you're thinking that some of those are parenting books. Yup...and that's the same reason I write my Marriage Monday post on my MomE blog and not at Blogging Along...cuz we believe our marriage is directly connected to our lives as parents! We are our children's Bible Study on marriage!